“I am so glad I live in a world with Octobers.” ~Anne of Green Gables
This quote hangs in my home on a piece of tattered wood, a picture of a beautiful baby boy in the corner, his deep blue eyes a perfect match to his little denim jacket, his stalky frame and chunky cheeks, proof of his hearty appetite. This gift from my dearest friend is a treasure, which now captures that which my heart longs to communicate. She created it for me because she understands the emotion that swirls around in my heart this time of year. She understands because she was there that day. That day seven years ago in October when my life changed forever.
While I was praying for life on earth, a sovereign God was welcoming my precious son into abundant life in Heaven.
I still own the pair of shoes I wore, scuffed from the cement on which I lay, crying out to God for the life of my son. I keep them tucked away in my closet, a sweet reminder of the day I prayed like never before, the tearing in the leather, a picture of what was happening to my heart. It was there on the cement that I cried out to a God who had shown Himself faithful through life’s circumstances, a God who had invited me into sweet relationship with Him, a God who had revealed Himself in the details of my life and who in these moments I was counting on to save the day. As I tried to wrap my mind around the reality of what was happening, I believed with every fiber of my being that the Lord could save Kade. I just wasn’t sure He was going to. As I plead with God for life, the doctors and nurses and medics were fighting for it. But as the moments went by, while we were we believing God could be victorious over death, doctors were calling time of death. Little did I know that while I was praying for life on earth, a sovereign God was welcoming my precious son into abundant life in heaven. The story of the gospel is one of sacrificial love and anguishing death, all for the gift of life. God knew that we would hold tightly to this world and that we would identify with the pain that comes with being separated with someone we love. He created us for relationship, for love, for life together. So He used death, the death of His own son to connect us to the depth of His love and desire for us to live in His presence for eternity. As the creator of life, He knew that the reality of death would be the very link to our desperate need for a life that only He can give.
As the creator of life, He knew that the reality of death would be the very link to our desperate need for a life that only He can give.
Up until that day in October I had viewed life as a pulse, blood pumping in and out of a beating heart. What I was about to learn was that life had nothing to do with oxygen but had everything to do with the Gospel. In the form a lifeless baby boy I held the hope of the Gospel in my arms. The Heavenly father releasing His own son to Earth to die for you and for me, to bring us into eternal fellowship with Him, and to reunite mommies with their sons. Because of the Truth of the Gospel I would, in the middle of my deepest pain, learn to rest in knowing that my son was in the presence of a Holy God and one day soon, I would join him there. The Gospel was no longer something I just appreciated; it was the very thing I would learn to depend on to survive my worst nightmare. So while it seems like October should be a month of mourning and grief and missing and sorrow, it has become, for me, a month of promise. With it’s changing leaves and weather, I am reminded of the change that happened in me when my son took his first breath in heaven. It’s a reminder to me that without death in October, I might never know what it truly means to be alive. You see, my sweet son is more alive than I am, and that my friends, is why I am so glad I live in a world with Octobers.
“When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.” Psalm 84:6
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Image Credit: New Brunswick Tourism, Creative Commons