Dying To Live


I am so glad I live in a world with Octobers.” ~Anne of Green Gables

This quote hangs in my home on a piece of tattered wood, a picture of a beautiful baby boy in the corner, his deep blue eyes a perfect match to his little denim jacket, his stalky frame and chunky cheeks, proof of his hearty appetite.  This gift from my dearest friend is a treasure, which now captures that which my heart longs to communicate.  She created it for me because she understands the emotion that swirls around in my heart this time of year.  She understands because she was there that day. That day seven years ago in October when my life changed forever.

While I was praying for life on earth, a sovereign God was welcoming my precious son into abundant life in Heaven.

I still own the pair of shoes I wore, scuffed from the cement on which I lay, crying out to God for the life of my son. I keep them tucked away in my closet, a sweet reminder of the day I prayed like never before, the tearing in the leather, a picture of what was happening to my heart. It was there on the cement that I cried out to a God who had shown Himself faithful through life’s circumstances, a God who had invited me into sweet relationship with Him, a God who had revealed Himself in the details of my life and who in these moments I was counting on to save the day. As I tried to wrap my mind around the reality of what was happening, I believed with every fiber of my being that the Lord could save Kade. I just wasn’t sure He was going to. As I plead with God for life, the doctors and nurses and medics were fighting for it.  But as the moments went by, while we were we believing God could be victorious over death, doctors were calling time of death. Little did I know that while I was praying for life on earth, a sovereign God was welcoming my precious son into abundant life in heaven. The story of the gospel is one of sacrificial love and anguishing death, all for the gift of life. God knew that we would hold tightly to this world and that we would identify with the pain that comes with being separated with someone we love. He created us for relationship, for love, for life together.  So He used death, the death of His own son to connect us to the depth of His love and desire for us to live in His presence for eternity.  As the creator of life, He knew that the reality of death would be the very link to our desperate need for a life that only He can give.

As the creator of life, He knew that the reality of death would be the very link to our desperate need for a life that only He can give.

Up until that day in October I had viewed life as a pulse, blood pumping in and out of a beating heart.  What I was about to learn was that life had nothing to do with oxygen but had everything to do with the Gospel.  In the form a lifeless baby boy I held the hope of the Gospel in my arms.  The Heavenly father releasing His own son to Earth to die for you and for me, to bring us into eternal fellowship with Him, and to reunite mommies with their sons. Because of the Truth of the Gospel I would, in the middle of my deepest pain, learn to rest in knowing that my son was in the presence of a Holy God and one day soon, I would join him there. The Gospel was no longer something I just appreciated; it was the very thing I would learn to depend on to survive my worst nightmare. So while it seems like October should be a month of mourning and grief and missing and sorrow, it has become, for me, a month of promise.  With it’s changing leaves and weather, I am reminded of the change that happened in me when my son took his first breath in heaven.  It’s a reminder to me that without death in October, I might never know what it truly means to be alive.  You see, my sweet son is more alive than I am, and that my friends, is why I am so glad I live in a world with Octobers.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.” Psalm 84:6


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Image Credit: New Brunswick Tourism, Creative Commons

Jessica Visser


Jessica Visser is the wife of a third generation dairy farmer and mommy of five. After teaching 1st grade for a few years, Jessica became a full time mom when the Lord chose to bless them with children. She now spends her days at the dairy with her 2 boys while her 2 daughters attend a local Christian school where Jessica volunteers much of her time. As the mommy of 5 children the Lord has gifted her with the task of raising 4. Her oldest son went to be with the Lord in 2007 when he was just 8 weeks old. The Lord continues to show His goodness to the Visser family and Jessica is humbled by the opportunity to testify to God’s faithfulness in her life. To contact her for speaking engagements please feel free to contact us.

  • Tammi

    Can you please send me new posts? How do I subscribe???

    • Beth Nicoletto


      We would LOVE for you to subscribe! Click the email button on the homepage and simply fill out the form! So glad you’re encouraged by the message!

    • Jessica Visser

      Hi Tammi,
      Thanks for your interest in our blog! We hope it is used by the Lord to encourage your heart:)

      To subscribe go our homepage and underneath the title you will see several colored circles, one for each type of subscription. You can follow us on twitter, Facebook, and even get e-mail notifications. Just click on the appropriate circle and follow the prompts to subscribe.


  • http://redeemingthefuture.blogspot.com Bonnie Redfern

    Love your words, love your heart, Jessica, and what you have learned along this journey. Thankful we know who keeps our sons until that wonderful, blessed reunion when we shall praise the God of all comfort together.

    • Jessica Visser

      Love you B.

  • Janice Runswick

    think I already signed up to receive Self Talk The Gospel. Just making sure.
    thank you.

    • Jessica Visser

      Thank you Janice! Hope you are encouraged by our words. Blessings!

  • Sarah Sanchez

    Thanks Jessica for sharing your story in such a sweet way. And for you love of Jesus and His life giving gospel message! Love you girl!

    • Jessica Visser

      Thanks Sarah:) God is so good. xox

  • Kasey Galbraith


    I am so deeply encouraged by your story! Although I have heard it before from a few members in your sweet family, somehow reading it just now feels like hearing about it for the first time. Thank you for sharing your heart, and for exemplifying the Lord’s work in your life through such a tragedy- I hope that you can be encouraged that I am so blessed by it today!

    “The Gospel was no longer something I just appreciated; it was the very thing I would learn to depend on to survive my worst nightmare.”

    I love this- And how the Lord has been teaching me this truth, and you put it into words perfectly! Again, thank you for sharing! And much love to you!


    • Jessica Visser

      Oh Kase, you are such a dear one. Thank you for your sweet words. Thankful for the chance to watch the Lord’s workings in your precious family as well.

  • Cindy Schuil

    I love you Jessica, Kade’s picture is still on my prayer board. I’m.constantly amazed at how God uses that little angel. God has given you a gift, thank you for being faithful in using it!! Blessings

    • Jessica Visser

      Love you Auntie:)

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