I worry. And when I say worry, I mean I can be anxiety ridden with the best of them. I get sweaty pits, increased heart rate, and stomach aches that keep me up at night. I want to crawl down into a bunker and just hide it out. Those moments feel like storms, and I just want them to magically blow away. I want them to be over. Chances are you have been there too.
Many people fall into the trap of anxiety, yet the majority of us suffer in silence, longing for the hope of freedom. As our worries and doubts marinate in the darkness of our lives, Satan grabs a foothold and off they grow. Often our fears grow so fast we feel like we have lost all faith in the strength of our Savior.
Here is my story of finding freedom from the entanglement of anxiety.
Have you ever felt completely alone and isolated? I’m not sure there is anyone who hasn’t felt the stabbing pain of isolation. It can come like a crashing wave when you wouldn’t expect it. Perhaps things are going well in your life and you can’t find a reason to feel alone, yet you do. Maybe you’ve taken a step of faith in obedience to God and now you feel like He has abandoned you.
When your life takes a turn you didn’t expect, when you find yourself in the middle of circumstances that don’t seem promising, stay the course sweet sister. Let’s follow Ruth’s example and press on in faith. Lets be women who on our best days and on our worst, look to the unknown of the future and smile, because we know and trust in a God who always has His glory and our redemption in mind.
My husband and I decided to plant a vegetable garden this year. Actually, I casually suggested that we should plant a vegetable garden, and then my sweet husband built us a planter, researched the heck out of compost and nitrogen and carbon and lots of other garden words. While he’s been pouring over gardening websites and NPR gardening specials, I have also been busy with equally important, garden-related business. Like day dreaming about our ripe tomatoes and basil; grocery bags so overflowing with our garden’s future bounty that after finishing a little Caprese salad, I’m frolicking through the neighborhood to dole out fresh produce to all.
I am forever and always beyond grateful for GRACE. How does the old acronym go? God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. If we really sit and chew on grace for a moment, it gets more and more sacred, and it begins to seep into our consciousness and lift us up toward gratitude. In gratitude we find the precious motivation needed to live a life worthy of the call we have received. If I do what I do because I LOVE Him and want to please Him and represent Him well, then I am not motivated by guilt and obligation. Freedom.
Here I am in Sacramento. Andrew and I have just moved here. I am calling this our adventure. But inside I am totally losing it.
I have no idea who I am and what I’m doing. I’m a few months away from turning 30 and this is the biggest move I’ve ever made. What is most pathetic is I don’t even have to switch highways to get back to my hometown.
Two and a half hours feels like another world and I’m not sure I want another world. Dying in the place you were born without ever living somewhere else seems a little depressing—especially if that place is Fresno. But still, this wasn’t my plan and worse yet, I actually have no plan for this new adventure.
So I do what I normally do: I overeat, watch too many episodes of something, and then I get in the bath with a new book.
“Almost everyone had at one time or another been exposed to the world as being flawed, and human. And that it was good, for the development of character and empathy, for the growth of the spirit. Periods in the wilderness or desert were not lost time. You might find life, wildflowers, fossils, sources of water.”
My husband is a manly-man. He is a car guy who loves to do doughnuts (is that what they’re called?) in a dirt field, turn a corner fast and make the kids scream. When our three kids were little, we moved into a community with a big dip in the road on the undeveloped backside. The manly-man, of course, would speed up and fly through it until we all “got air.” The kids screamed with delight, as I screamed with terror and foreboding.