This may be one of the shortest questions someone can ask, but easily the hardest to answer at times.
Why me? Why now? Lord, why did you let this happen?
There have been situations in my life where I literally want everything around me to disappear and I want to drop to my knees and shout to God, “WHY?” as loud as I can. I’m rushing out the door and I spill coffee all down the front of my shirt. Ugghh…Why? I’m driving in 5 o’clock traffic and my car dies. Lord, Why? I just finished telling my family that we were pregnant and the next week I miscarry. Lord, seriously, Why?
When I come before the Lord and ask him Why to my many questions, I rarely feel like a humble servant. Often times I feel like a toddler that didn’t get their way. I’m praying to my God and whether literally or figuratively, I have my arms crossed, a scowl on my face, and I want some answers. I know He knows everything and controls the world, so surely he can take a moment to fill in some of my blanks.
Not until after my miscarriage did someone much wiser than me gently suggest that I stop getting stuck on the “Why” of my situation, and instead seek what the Lord is trying to teach me. *Punch to the gut right about now*
Not until after my miscarriage did someone much wiser than me gently suggest that I stop getting stuck on the “Why” of my situation, and instead seek what the Lord is trying to teach me.
She described my posture perfectly. She explained that when we want to know why certain things happen, or why people die, or why bad things happen, we are searching for answers that we may never receive. We get stuck in a cycle of demanding answers yet receiving none. She showed me what it looked like to come before the Lord with my arms crossed and foot stuck out shouting “Why?!” when I should have my hands raised in humility begging my sovereign God to teach me, mold me, and shape me. What a reframing for me!
Oh how I desire to come before the Lord, humbly submitted and poor in spirit, but in the wake of loss I was stuck in the cycle of searching for the “Why” of it all. I was grasping for some sort of control and wanted my God to show up and explain himself. But where did that lead me? Absolutely nowhere.
Psalms 25:5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Psalm 86:11 Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
When I asked God to teach me in this moment rather than explain the reasoning, all my walls came crumbling down.
When I took the time to unfold my arms, fall to my knees and reach out my hands to my sovereign God, I could feel the weight of searching for the Why being lifted. When I asked God to teach me in this moment rather than explain the reasoning, all my walls came crumbling down. God began to move, and slowly but surely he began to fill in blanks, show more of himself to me, and allow me to love him more deeply.
Is there something in your life that you are searching about for the “Why”?
Is it time that you let go of wanting answers and instead ask God to simply teach you in this moment and mold you into the person He designed you to be?
With humble hearts, will you partner with me in seeking His truth and trusting His timing? May God be glorified in our suffering and seeking, knowing the “Why” is simply the privilege and opportunity of knowing him more.
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Image Credit: Richard John Pozon, Creative Commons